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“Do you ever get a little bit tired of life? Like you’re not really happy, but you don’t wanna die. Like you’re hanging by a thread, but you gotta survive.” This song is the reason why I am writing this article. Don’t cringe because I’m cringing while writing this.

To be honest, I really have no ideas what to write for this article, but I could feel like using this opportunity to vomit my never-ending thoughts, not political, because I’m not meant for that. Not academical because I’m not enough for that. So, here’s a trivial story of mine to you about happiness 🙂

I’m growing up confused about what I should do or not do to be ‘happy’. Striving As for exams. Getting into a good boarding school. Secure a scholarship and study overseas because society taught me that I would be more successful and happier like that.

I was miserable. Thinking if everything I do will be worth it every single time. If my younger self saw me like that, she would be utterly disgusted and disappointed because I did not achieve what I thought I could do when I was younger. In addition, I’m in my 20s with no life vision whatsoever and mediocre in everything I do. Always being anxious over my future is my hobby, therefore questioning my right to be happy.

But friends, what is happiness? We could poll hundreds of people and get a variety of responses. Is it the idea of being loved by the people you love? Or is it merely a fancier word for stability; stable family, stable friendships, stable love life, stable financially, stable academically. Right?

Well, that’s what I thought at first until I met several unhappy people even though I thought they ‘should be’. Therefore, I assumed there was no one hard and fast definition for the term happiness.

Life can be so funny sometimes. Reminiscing on my high school life, I was stressed to prepare myself well for SPM. I really thought that would be the end of me if I did not achieve what everyone and myself expected to. Yet, ironically, I was happy, albeit having numerous breakdowns with friends every day. The same case in MFI. Despite stressing about making sure I could meet the expectations to have the ‘glamorous’ education in France, I met many beautiful souls who were the reasons I kept going along the way until now.

Why is it like that? They say fake it till you make it. Hence, sometimes life can be full of shits, but you can still make it look like a chocolate cupcake, lol. (Please imagine the usual shits emoji because I found it cute) People are fake. We are fake. They show what they want to show to people differently. I could be the stupidest someone you’ve ever met, and I could also be the most creative person your friend ever encountered. Most of us are cosplaying as people who collect their shits well on social media. We decide what we want to show. Nobody wants to look sorrowful, not vibing positivity or uncool enough to prove that we are happy, isn’t it? However, to a certain extent, I don’t deny the convenience of social media to keep our happy memories well. At least we have those memories, remembering them repeatedly when we feel like the world is against us.

Like I said, each person has their own definition of happiness. It is all about perspective. I could be stressing about doing charity work with no wage (aka MASAF) but still love doing it. A friend of mine is always finding a reason to be happy every day. Her life was not that pretty good. Not from a good stable family. Her academics are so so. But I adore how she never gives up on improving her life instead of complaining much as long as she is happy. 

And that’s how I find my definition of happiness. You don’t have to own everything you expect to be happy. Never sabotage yourself by being the one who blocks you from being happy. If people say you have no right to be happy just because of bad things happening around you, they are unempathetic and insensitive. 

So, my dear friends, to me, being happy is like finding the best harmony with your feelings. You can have the simplest or even the most complicated life from what you expected, or you wanted and still be happy. Happiness is about finding hope. It’s about being (realistically) optimistic about shitty things happening to you. It’s about putting rainbow sprinkles on the cupcake that I said. Of course, you don’t want to eat it, but at least it looks better and nicer. 

Some people also have difficulties being happy because of chemical imbalance. These people also never give up and seek help and comfort from professionals or people they trust. If you are one of them, I believe you are the bravest person I know. Because unfortunately, some of us have been brainwashed with the idea of seeking help as a weakness since we were younger. Even we struggle with silent pains because we thought we could fight them alone, right? So never lose faith in improving yourself to be happy. Slowly but surely, they say.

Sometimes, life can undoubtedly disrupt things from what we expect it to be. Life consists of many uncontrollable variables. No one can control 100% how their life is going to be. As a result, it is impossible to have eternal happiness or satisfaction, at least here. Therefore, put yourself in a place and situation where you thought you could be happy and find harmony with yourself. Life is not about finding yourself. It’s about creating yourself. You are the one who creates your own happiness. (As long as you don’t hurt others or do things you should not do, yes).

 

So, what is your definition of happiness, my friends?