

The Extraordinary in the Ordinary: The Harvais Pizzeria
During my weeks of classes, there’s a small routine I’ll never miss: a visit to a tiny pizza shop. It’s
During my weeks of classes, there’s a small routine I’ll never miss: a visit to a tiny pizza shop. It’s
我只能是一道追逐别人的影子。 炎热的教室里,老式风扇发出咔咔的噪声,一道严厉的声音划破空气:“xxx,你来回答这个问题。” 我缓缓走向讲台,站在白板前。无数道目光如针芒般刺在我的身上,汗水早已浸湿衣襟。想在白板上下笔的手悬在半空,脑海一片空白,终究还是无力地垂了下来。 我僵硬地转向身侧的老师。从她的眼神中,我看到的不是答案,而是失望、不解、疲惫,还有我自己那模糊的身影——茫然且无能。 当我怯懦地走回座位时,与我擦肩而过的是那自告奋勇的回响。清亮而流畅的回答在教室中回荡,每字每句精准无误,像重锤一样击打着我的耳膜,也狠狠砸在我的心上。 瞬息之间,羞愧灼伤我的耳蜗,所有余音绕梁般的声音都消失得无影无踪。整个世界陷入一片静默,独留我一个。我看见自己躲在阴暗的角落里无措地蜷缩着,仰视着那个如同遥远的光点,永远触不可及、理想中的自己。我试图伸手去触碰,却只是徒劳无功,只能感受到迷雾般的虚无。 “可是,我真的只能这样吗?”我忍不住低声问自己。 回答的是一个嘲弄的声音:“不然呢?看看你此刻的样子。” 我无言以对,只能沉默地坐回座位。风扇依旧咔咔作响,似乎在无声地附和着那个声音。 柏拉图说:走出漆黑的洞穴,你将会来到真实而有阳光的世界。 留学是走出洞穴的一个契机。如同初入世界的新生儿,我跌跌撞撞地向前走着。 阳光透过薄薄的云层,暖暖地洒向草地,草地上散发着雨后泥土的香气和野花的清香。我小心翼翼地踩在湿润的泥土上,看着天空一片的蓝,不时有鸟儿叽叽喳喳地飞过。我不自觉地微眯着双眼,感受着微风轻拂我的脸庞,感受着阳光刺破浓雾洒在我的脸上,让人既觉得刺目,又莫名惬意。 我不曾想过这将会是这个世界的全貌,可我怎么也没想到,这样美好的场景只维持了片刻。 异国的小酒馆里灯光昏暗,空气中飘着酒精与香料的混合味道。 大家围坐在一起,谈笑风生,用着我还不熟练的法语说着让我听不懂的笑话和俚语。笑声像潮水般将我淹没,周围的笑声和交谈声像是从遥远的地方传来,被某种看不见的屏障隔开。 每个人的笑容都清晰可见,但我却感受不到任何温度。耳朵里回荡的声音像是被厚重的水幕过滤过,模糊不清。 我嘴角僵硬地上扬,笑容似乎只是为了掩饰内心的茫然,假装自己明白并附和,而握着杯子的指节渐渐变得苍白,手背上的青筋隐隐可见。 有人拍了拍我的肩膀,带着好奇的语气问我从哪里来。我的回答断断续续,像从破旧的收音机里发出的含混声。他礼貌地微笑,却迅速转向下一个人继续聊天,而我低头看着自己的饮料,觉得自己此刻的存在不合时宜。 从某个时候,周围好像一个人都没有了。我感知到有点奇怪的时候,已经晚了。 我默默地离开酒馆,想就此逃避,想就此忽视内心强烈的失重感,想就此离开这个不属于我的世界,这个没有意义的世界,这个令人唾弃自己,看不见一丝光明的世界。
“If there’s one thing that’s dangerous in this forest, it’s humans.” – Eric, our guide for the hike in Mont
Like most of us students abroad, I do most things alone. I live alone, I do groceries alone, I go
(For privacy reasons, no real names have been used.) A short train ride away from the small French town I’m
I am pretty sure that everyone is familiar with what I am about to say, as anyone who has even
What is my purpose? What is it all for? I couldn’t rid myself of the questions that were gushing through my mind. What if pain exists without purpose? What if the only reason we desire happiness as much as we do is because it’s unattainable? How could I regain control over my life if I couldn’t even control my thoughts?
I’m just an ordinary human being trying to figure life out but if you stumble upon this, I write this hoping to find solidarity in solitude and company in building our realities.
MASAF which stands for the Malaysian Students’ Association in France was established in 2007 by a group of Malaysian students. MASAF now represents all the Malaysian students in France, and also serves as a networking platform for the students with the Malaysian French graduates alumni.
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